peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
