i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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