I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
