ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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