Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
