when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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