She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
