she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think people are normalizing furries
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
