too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
