Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
