I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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