it hurts more in the daytime
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Congratulations! We have a period
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