Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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