You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
