what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
