Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Randomize
