you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
