i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drunk is not a location!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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