after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
