The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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