remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
