I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
