I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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