Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
