hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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