1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
