the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
time to smoke my breakfast
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
