I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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