i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
