One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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