Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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