The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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