in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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