Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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