I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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