I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
