yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
