i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
