i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
