I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think my fart just growled at me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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