Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
