it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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