i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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