You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
