plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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