No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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