just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
