you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
