I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
