We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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