oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
