Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
