she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
