I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
