Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
