The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
